THE SEDGEMORONS- Who,What and Why.......

Back in 1984 the Sheep Worrying organisation had run up a £1,000 debt trying to keep it's alternative listings magazine going. To save the project the editorial team formed a band. The idea was to do cabaret songs for money and give all the money to Sheep Worrying to pay off the debt and thereby keep the magazine going.

The Sedgemorons played a few cabaret gigs , quickly got bored of that and then started writing their own songs sending up bands that were playing cabaret gigs - especially themselves, brought out an album "We're Bonkers" (September 84) and a single "Drop Dead Darling"b/w "I Need a Girlfriend" (april 85) and while they were at it wrote a stage musical "Rock n Roll is Pretty Exciting".

The premise of the Musical was that Rockin Brian, an intensely tedious brummie car park attendant (Brian Smedley) was going to have his car park re-developed into a 'disco' and so needed, in true Cliff Richard fashion, to get 'the kids' led by the sickly sweet and naively hopeless Bobbie Bland (Lianne Bruce)  on board to help him save it. In true Yul Brynner style they rounded up a possee of gunmen to help them save the car park. Ghenghiz 2-Stroke (Stuart Croskell) a pretentiously abstract poet with a  penchant for Johnny Cash songs, Bing Beasley (Gareth Beasley) an over exuberantly anarchic nutjob and Betty Bonkers (Anne Dixey) a rebellious feminist housewife .

The single -Drop Dead Darling (Kane/Smedley) was backed up by 'I

Need A Girlfriend'(Beasley/Smedley) and featured Bing on lead vocals and improvised scat singing with Bobbie and Betty on backing vocals, Ghenghiz on bass and Smed on twangy lead guitar.
Also featured were Nervo on drums and Barry 'Bazza' Thompson on whistled intro and outro and sax solo.

The record was played on John Peel and reviewed in Sounds by punk poet Seething Wells and the band went on to tour extensively before knocking it firmly on the head in January 1986.

A freshly unearthed video forms the backing for the remastered (not really) song and is taken from a BBC2 documentary about the Bridgwater Arts Centre which featured the Morons rehearsing in an upstairs room.

"UKIP are a Bit Daft" : Red Smed the man not afraid to tell it like it is

It might just be the prospect of celebrity right winger Jim Davidson winning Celebrity Big Brother that makes me think the whole countries going to hell in a reactionary handcart, but why is this happening, why do more people vote for un-reality shows than in a general election, why do people vote for UKIP, a party with no policies just knee jerk midnight internet chatroom ranting and most importantly why aren't Hope Not Hate outside the Big Brother House with their placards instead of picking on some Hungarian Nazi whose got every right to stand on the streets of Britain  spouting bigotry. How else is he going to blend in!!

So it's high time for an in depth look at whether UKIP are a decent normal party contributing democratically to the ongoing debate on Britain today, or if in fact they're a bunch of nutters. Research over, they're clearly all bonkers.

Bonkers

UKIP had a candidate in the last election (yes, here in Somerset) who was filmed apparently doing a Nazi salute. His defence was  that he was impersonating a pot plant. So that's alright then.

One UKIP Councillor thought that MPs voting for same sex marriage has caused the floods. Presumably God has now smote down with a mighty wave the Moorland gay communes engaging in their debauched green wellied multitudes. Oddly, in their own heartland...we have 2 out of 6 UKIP MEPS in the South West and 3 UKIP County councillors in Somerset. Presumably God doesn't have his sat nav set to 'Gay Finder General' at the moment.

But no sooner has Farage suspended one UKIP foot in mouth job than another appears. So now its UKIP financial backer Demetri Marchessini buying an advert in the Telegraph to tell people that Homosexuality is an 'abomination' and there are '12 mentions in the Bible to prove this'. This is the same 'expert in gender politics' that a year back advocated giving unwed mothers 'a good slap' and that date rape allegations 'cannot be taken seriously'. At least they've got their best men on the job.

Digging up King Dick

Which brings us to Godfrey Bloom another 'voice of UKIP, now suspended'. Bit's of Africa he can't bring himself to identify are called 'Bongo Bongo' land, women he can't find a place for in his hierarchy of morality are called 'sluts' and a journalist who points out racial inequality in UKIP publicity material is called 'racist' and then physically hit with the UKIP manifesto. You'd have thought at least Godfrey would shut up. But no, now he's guest speaker at a Oxford Union debate (..er..why??) and likening a disabled student to Richard III. Fortunately, his victim David Browne turned the tables on his taunter by saying "he was flattered by personal attacks from his opponents as it just demonstrates they have run out of arguments."

Nutters

Which is of course the whole point of this. UKIP don't have any arguments, any policies or any points to make. They just have votes. They have nutters. Yes. So they have votes for Nutters. That should be their campaign slogan. But people vote for them. Not for their policies - they don't know what they are. "DO something about immigration". They don't vote for their candidates. They're nutters. But they get millions of votes. Basically they're the angry, bitter, midnight chatroom crusaders who finally have a voice. It's not a sensible voice and like the level of their arguments in the chatrooms of smalltown papers all over the land, they fit whatever they're thinking it might be all about into their own version of reality. It's a kind of engaging with the democratic process of sorts....so long as you include wrapping a turd up in newspaper and posting it to someone you don't like in that.

One day to go....HOPE NOT HATE, get your act together and stop Jim Davidson winning Celebrity Big Brother...this could be a Cable Street moment!!!


If Trotsky was alive today we know exactly what he'd be saying (apart from 'oww my fucking head!!) it'd be UNITED FRONT NOW.

RUFTY TUFTY WORK SONGS OF LIFE ON THE ROAD

Being a horny handed son of toil and a muscle bound donkey strangling hunk of a district councillor, Red Smed has dug deep into his archives and come up with a couple of modern day work songs recollecting his hi-octane life on the roads , pavements and soft grass verges  that IS van driving.

In the depths of Thatcherite repression, Smed worked for the evil Multinational parcel delivering mega-corporation 'Multifreight'. For 13 weeks then was sacked. Ostensibly for wearing IRA badges while delivering to a nuclear power station. Since blown up. 

Smed recalls "I was delivering to Oldbury in Gloucestershire and my mate Dave had bought me a James Connolly badge for my birthday but this eagle eyed security guard spotted it and imediatly realised that my plan was to occupy Stroud Post Office and declare independence for Wessex launching our new fledgling Socialist Republic   in the blood of her martyrs."

Dave, a bastard, remembers it differently. "I just wanted to get him sacked".

Ignoring plain facts, Smed continues, "With 'Multifreight' the tune is lifted from an IWW song about hauling timber somewhere in America that I read about on my mothers knee. She used to write political history on her knees with a felt pen. It may seem odd now , but most of the family did that. But this was in the days before computers, books and television. Lyrically the people are real but I've kept their names instead of making them up so that they can track me down and beat me up".

Having been sacked from Multifreight, Smed couldn't get work for 2 years in the Haulage industry as he was blacklisted by the 'Economic League' who had him down as a 'raving communist' and 'a bit of a twat', however, after changing his CV hobbies and interests to 'Liking Margaret  Thatcher' and 'Thinking of ways to maximise the profits of hard working bosses' he got a job at NJ Singletons where he was the sole workforce under 2 bosses. "This seemed an odd arrangement" Smed ponders    " as their day seemed to finish at 9am and then I did all the work for the rest of the day. But I was just glad to have a job, especially one so important to the health and well being of the Nation as delivering plastic plumbing pipes , vanity units and toilet seats. Without me what would the arseholes of the Nation do!!"

The song 'Bonny Van Driver' tells of Smed's near death driving escapades working for Singletons, and the transport cafes he was compelled to use several times a day. The song is based on a Scottish coalmining song  and is naturally sung in a ridiculous Scottish accent "..to emphasise the horror Dick Gaughan would feel if he ever heard it."

"One of the features of this song is the authentic bagpipe playing in it. The entire Highbridge Bagpipe and Communism Collective  managed to fit into Monkton Heathfield studio, but I was so appalled by the averageness of their performance that I overdubbed them on my melodica. So that's another thing that Sooty can stick up his arse."

'The Internationale' out on 'You Tube' for Easter

In a cynical attempt to try to get as many you tube hits as his version of 'The Partisan Song' (currently on 300,000) Red Smed has now put up his 30th you tube link to a former recording by one of his shit bands.

"This time it's that old classic 'The Internationale' " said Red Smed , taking a break from overthrowing capitalism to buy some jaffa cakes from Lidls.."a song which of course has been sung by Stalinists and Trotskyists alike with absolutely no sense of irony or unity. I thought maybe Ed Milliband would like to try it."

Smed had noticed that 'the Partisan Song' has received so many you tube hits "probably because people are looking for a different version and stumble on this one by accident. So by picking an equally famous song i reckon people will probably do the same."

A totally irrelevent photo of  Red Smed in a scene from a
not connected play back in the pointless 1980s 

The song was recorded at the Monkton Heathfield studios in  2002 and features Smed as both Hank Marvin  AND Jet Harris, reprising the verse melody on lead guitar and then on echo laden 6-string bass. The chorus was sung by Elaine Di Campo in 3 part harmony. Smed says "Sadly when the guy mixed it down he had never heard the original 'Internationale' and so didn't know which of the 3 melodies was the lead...and so got the wrong one. That may be why some people won't recognise it."

Rare CLUB WHOOPEE recordings unearthed

Sunday 25th 1983 (as my diary NOW tells me...) saw a one off recording session by a one off version of the band CLUB WHOOPEE at the Milborne port studio in Dorset.

The studio was booked from 11am to 7.30 in the evening and 3 Kim Newman/Brian Smedley songs were recorded.

The first track 'Brazil' had already featured in the musical 'The Gold-Diggers of 1981'-script & lyric by Kim Newman, Music by Brian Smedley, starred Kim on lead vocals , the second 'Philadelphia Cheese' had Lynne Cramer singing and the third track 'Rock n Roll Lizard' had a host of guest celebrities .

The music for the day was exclusively down to Brian Smedley - playing guitars,bass and keyboards and Kevin 'Nervo' Freeman on drums. The lead vocal was shared between Rob Hackwill and Brian Smedley with Lynne Cramer, Kim Newman,Kevin Freeman & Eugene Byrne on backing. Opening dialogue is by Dean Skilton, beach party back chat from Lynne and Eugene and Vincent Price fade out from Kim.

There's an odd 4 note Dali-esque sax flourish at one point from a girl called Sian (who we never saw again) but who also played clarinet on Philadelphia Cheese.

The other odd note I have in my diary is that I stayed on to mix down the session and hitched back through the night to Bridgwater....one lift being in an ice cream van....but life was THAT exciting in them days.

PARTISAN SONG TOPS THE RED SMED CHARTS

For the 4th year running the PARTISAN SONG has topped the Red Smed hit parade with an almost unassailable 289,233  viewings 480 likes and 51 dislikes (probably Nazis). 

Red Smed says "It's probably because I'm not singing on it." However, the man is probably being modest, his partner  Big Alf Thrubworth, said "It's definitely because he;s not singing on it. And maybe because people are clicking on it cos they think it's the Red Army Choirs version."

Undettered, the Red Smed follow up you tube, 'Katyusha' (another instrumental ) hit the same target audience but only attracted  4,644 hits. "Probably because people realise by this stage it's just that twat Smedley" .

In third place the first of the 'singalong' ditties that made Murmansk what it is today. Somewhere you'd like to be in the hope they'd never heard of Red Smed.  'Leon Trotsky'  comes in with 2,704 hits 8 likes and a staggering 0 dislikes. Red Smed said "He truly was a man with a beard and glasses".

For a full run down of ALL the glamourous youtube videos released by Councillor Fat Boy in the guise of various bands click on the links to the left of this page.

1.  The Partisan Song (Red Smed) 289,233
2.  Katyusha (Red Smed) 4,644
3.  Leon Trotsky (Red Smed) 2,704
4.  Secret Seven (Dangerous Brothers) 992
5.  Route 666 (Club Whoopee) 955
6.  Me &My Clone (Red Smed) 840
7   Bridgwater (Red Smed) 722
8   Fat Bald Dave (Red Smed) 595
9   I'm Too Fat to Rock (Red Smed) 426
10 Drop Dead Darling (Red Smed) 402
11 I'm a County Councillor (Dangerous Brothers) 378
12 Ello Ello Ello (Dangerous Brothers) 343
13 Bohemia Sekt (The Visitors) 322
14 Brother Can You Spare a Dime (Club Whoopee) 288
15 Party at Brians (Red Smed) 273
16 False Nose (Dangerous Brothers) 233
17 When Teddy's Gone (The Spanners) 209
18 Don't Be So Bloody Miserable (Red Smed) 198
19 The Magnificent Several (Red Smed) 195
20 Rock n Roll is Pretty Exciting (Red Smed) 170
21 Swedish Language Yeh Yeh Yeh (Red Smed) 170
22 Greed (The Sedgemorons) 156
23 Do The Washing Up (Red Smed) 127
24 We're All Going Shopping (Red Smed) 98
25 Stogumber Cajun Gumbo (Red Smed) 64

POTATOLAND 30 YEAR'S LATER

I thought i'd better share this with everyone. Here's a link from Nick Hairs who ran the White Horse Inn, Stablebar in Launceston , Cornwall which has a web site that brings back all the memories of what was one of the West Country's best venues of the period.

For sure the Dangerous Brothers played there a few time, and the Sedgemorons. Who else I can't remember. Anyway, check out the web site.....

Click on the newspaper article (right) to go to the site.

Heres somethings that Nick sent me that I'd forgot existed.